If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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