Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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