You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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