She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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