i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
