Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
