I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
