I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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