She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
how does that bad decision feel?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
