PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
