Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
