The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She even gives head with a lisp.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
