is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
