made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
