She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need to align my fucking chakras
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