I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
