I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
