FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
