in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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