Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
