So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
