i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
