It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
