Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
