PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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