There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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