if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All the doctor said was why
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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