Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
