Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
