So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
