ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize