Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
