i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
