Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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