Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
