i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
