Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
