Don't make out with my wife yet
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
