K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
