Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
