the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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