I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
