it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
