Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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