he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
