I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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