Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
