we have officially lost it.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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