Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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