Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize