plz talk dirty to me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
