she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
