i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
