Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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