Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
