I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
