epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
