watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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