I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
