i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
