I'm drive I can fine osifer
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
