do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
