Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
