I am full of burrito and curiosity
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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