You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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