I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
