I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
