he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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