Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
